Some stress is a good thing. It keeps us alert, warns us of impending danger and as a tool for survival is invaluable as it puts us into fight or flight mode – stay and fight or get out of the way because the danger is too great. Stress enables us to perform at our peak, because all our senses are totally engaged.
This starts to become a problem if we find that we are constantly on red alert. One indication that this is happening is when we go for a massage and the masseur comments that we have ‘bricks’ in our shoulders or neck, they are solid and need some attention to release them. People react to stressful situations by automatically tensing their body. Think of how we construct sentences to describe how we are feeling. Many everyday expressions refer to our body as in, ’sick to the stomach’, ‘gutted’, ‘pain in the neck’,’ doing my head in’. Said often enough and with enough intensity our bodies internalise these reactions and feelings.
Over time stress symptoms build up and can affect the way we function. Humour, temper, libido, moods, irritability, concentration can all become affected by an excess of stress. This in turn interferes with the quality of sleep, home life health and well-being.
Learning to watch out for when we are starting to be adversely affected by stress is a positive step to take. It is a way of looking after ourselves and protecting our quality of life. As a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist I teach my clients about their own personal traffic light signals. The green light is good, it means that everything is in control and is being managed well. The red light is where everything is coming to a standstill, we are not functioning, everything feels too much effort, we may be unwell, or feel depressed, negative about much of our life.
The amber light is the one to use as important information. This is the one to learn to recognise in ourselves as it warns us when we need to start taking better care of ourselves because things are starting to become a problem. Everyone has their own personal amber lights. The warning signal maybe when concentration starts to drift, or sleeping patterns become more restless. It maybe that we start to lose our sense of humour or our mood becomes more irritable. Some people may go off their food, or start to comfort eat, drink or smoke. Learning to recognise your own signals is important information that it is time to take back control and intervene before things start to build up more.
Things that can help to alleviate the stress are dependant on the individual and how their life is structured.
I have had many clients with whom we have addressed their unhelpful ways of handling stress. For example, forcing themselves to keep going, working longer and longer hours, sacrificing their personal time, missing meals, taking in more and more sugar and coffee in the hope that they can stay awake and alert long enough to do their work.
The reasons behind this behaviour may go back many years. Some people feel that by saying ‘no’ to a request demonstrates that they are incompetent or not coping. Some people compare themselves unfavourably to others and feel that they always have to do more and more simply to keep pace
Whatever the reasons, counselling and hypnotherapy can help deal with these old outdated attitudes and become more appropriately assertive and confident about oneself and ones capabilities. It is then time to learn to relax and realise how calm it is possible to be. This results in becoming more assertive, more confident and being able to prioritise better, really appreciating what is important, rather than treating everything as equally urgent.
Some useful skills to incorporate are:
- Learn to delegate or share tasks, jobs and chores. Delegating at work enables others to learn new skills and feel valued and appreciated. Sharing jobs and responsibilities at home helps others feel that the running of the home is a team commitment.
- Schedule in exercise. This is an important and healthy way of having some ‘me’ time. Whether you go to the gym or have a swim on your own, or choose to go for a walk with your partner or family, either way the message to yourself is that you are doing something good for you.
- Take regular breaks for meals or even to just go outside for a five minute breather. Studies have regularly proven that people who take regular breaks perform better than those who keep working non-stop.
- Plan fun in advance to ensure that it happens. Get on the mailing list for concerts or the theatre and then choose some events and book ahead. Organise a regular meal with friends and rotate whose house each time.
Look after yourself, plan your life and take back control and these ‘lights’ will stay away from the red zone.
Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net