We live in a society where appearance has become hugely important. Every aspect of the perfect look is monitored by the media. Our size, clothes, diet, makeup, exercise regime is all documented in detail as to how we can achieve that desired look. We see other people, celebrities all looking impossibly slim weeks after giving birth to their baby, or looking perfectly groomed, without a line on their faces and we are given the message that if we worked out a little harder, dieted a little more we too should be able to achieve that look.
Beauty has come to be defined by others and can be tough or even impossible to firstly achieve and secondly to maintain. Even children, young boys as well as girls, are becoming precociously aware of style, fashion, the perfect look. Many women put themselves under enormous pressure to achieve a look that is deemed acceptable by the other women in their social circle, by their partner or for their public persona, their status and reputation. Often giving in to these pressures involves regular exercise at the gym or with a personal trainer, maintaining their figure with a strict diet regime and regular regular beauty treatments from hair, facials, manicures, to cosmetic procedures like botox and other enhancements. It can become a full time job keeping on top of it all, as well as very expensive.
What happens as time marches on ? Can this constant effort be maintained and what about the person inside ? Looking after ourselves is important. If we know someone who always looks dishevelled, never makes an effort to look nice even on special occasions then we may decide that they are either a little depressed or that they do not appreciate how to behave. It is important to get dressed up from time to time, to make an effort for ourselves, our friends and our partners. But how much should we be influenced or affected by a constant desire to look perfect. Is that true beauty ?
Many people do define themselves through their appearance. I once knew a lady who always used to get up before her partner in order to apply a full makeup and look perfect for him from the moment he woke up. He never saw her without her makeup. She must have hardly dared sleep in case she missed him awakening first. She was fearful that if he saw her ungroomed he would reject her. Her self-esteem relied totally on looking good.
Does the pressure come from him or from her ? Certainly smartly dressed and good looking people often convey an aura of confidence and authority that can be intimidating to others. It can be deemed to be important to emulate that look and so attain some of that aura for ourselves in a bid to improve confidence levels. We allow ourselves to be guided into a certain mindset. Often young people are impressionable because they have no clear sense of who they are. They see their role models looking a particular way or appearing to have certain attributes or behaviour patterns and they are influenced accordingly.
How do we achieve a balance in our approach to appearance ? The media of late appear to be taking a more normalised view of size and appearance and of what defines beauty. Several actresses and celebrities have insisted on being seen either ‘celebrating their curves’ or being seen in their normal ‘untouched’ state. Getting a more relaxed view of celebrities allows other people to appreciate what is normal and beautiful.
And, in truth, many men say that a woman who is confident in her own skin, who makes them laugh, who is relaxed with herself is far sexier than a fashion plate. One of my friends dieted and lost two stone for her new man only to discover that his ideal lady was her original curvier self. And many women pay far less attention to a man’s size and shape and are more interested in personality, cleanliness and good manners. Looking good might be a factor, but it is only one part of being beautiful.
Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net