From the moment we are born memories are fundamental to our development. They form the basis on which our standards, belief systems, attitudes and expectations are formed. We incorporate our memories into our unconscious minds database and unknowlingly reference back to them as we live our lives. When something happens to us we check for good, bad, familiar, unfamiliar and then decide how to react automatically, all in a split second of time.
All our senses are incorporated into our memories. Throughout our life a memory can be triggered by a smell, a taste, a nickname, even the tone of someones’ voice, a particular phrase, the shape of someones’ head in the distance. All these things form part of our memory bank and, when re-stimulated, can activate good or bad responses, positive or negative feelings and reactions.
When times are tough our memories can provide an important reassurance that things will become better at some point. Bad and good experiences are a yardstick in our lives, they provide a barometer against which we can measure subsequent events. Taking time to reflect on previous bad experiences and recall how they improved, or reflect on good experiences and smile can help us to keep going and continue with a sense of optimism.
Some people live through their memories. In older people especially, memories can form a large part of their thought processes. Many things that happen to them in their daily life are compared to their previous life experiences. Comments like, ‘when I was a girl/ boy’ or ‘that never happened in my day’ can often form a substantial part of their conversations.
In older people memories can form a crucial part of their happiness. They remember times when they were younger, active and engaged in building their lives, maybe socialising, meeting their partner, building a home and family together. Often they amnesify the bad parts. There may have been a sense that things were tough, but it is often linked in with a feeling of stoicism and pulling together. Reminiscences are about the special times and relationships.
Taking time to share those memories in an affectionate, interested way can be very stimulating to older people. Staff in residential care homes for older people often find it fascinating how animated and positive their residents become when they have spent time looking at old photographs or discussing their youth. These memories are often clear, with every minute detail being recalled.
Providing stimulus to our minds is a therapeutic activity. Being reminded of what we have done, how far we have come in our lives, the things that we have attempted and what we have achieved can be a revelation, especially after a long period of time. These memories can often rekindle a sense of identity and self-worth. And sometimes elevate our mood and provide the motivation to start something new.
Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net