The perfect sister is the ideal best friend, confidante and supporter. Someone to share clothes, secrets, giggles with. Perfect because, as a member of our family we should be able to trust her completely, knowing that she knows absolutely everything about us and feeling safe in that relationship.
The truth is often a rather more acrimonious situation. Sisters are often in competition with each other, for the love of a parent, better grades at school or university, promotions and status at work, the nicest partner, the first grandchild. Sometimes every aspect of their relationship can be scrutinised and commented on. They automatically know which buttons to push to cause a reaction in each other.
Sisters often have a love/hate relationship. They can hate each other bitterly, especially in their early years, but if anyone else criticises them then they would fight vigorously to defend them. They could expect school friends to take sides, decide which sister they want to be friends with, and then confine the other sister to a silent hell.
Often there can be intense rivalry, especially if one sister has a special talent or skill that takes a lot of time, money or effort to support it. If the whole family seems to be run for the benefit of one person it can feel very disrespectful to the other children. It may feel that the whole household is being run to accommodate one persons special diet, timetable, needs and everyone else has to take second place and work around it.
Sometimes in families there is one golden child, one who is especially good, clever, well behaved. Parents will often swear that they raised all their children the same, gave them the same attention, love and benefits, but the truth is, there is often one who is a special favourite, who has a greater connection than the others. If that special sister is much feted then the other children can grow up feeling that they missed out on their childhood and were let down by their parents.
For parents it can be very difficult. They are supposed to love all their children the same, but children are all individuals. They have different traits, personalities, interests as well as different needs and requirements. And some may be more attractive to the parent. We all have personalities that feel more akin with, that we are more drawn to than others, and it is the same for a parent with their children. Some may be more pleasing than others or have a greater affinity.
It is the same with sisters. Being in a household with the same regime for all may cause stress or conflicts in getting along. There may be constraints that exacerbate the problems, money may be tight, girls may have to share a bedroom, one may have a noisy hobby or an interest that causes stress to the other. Learning to communicate and find compromises can take time, patience and effort. There also has to be the desire to work it out.
However this experience can be a useful lesson for later life. Learning to live with someone else and work around the differences, appreciating that we do not always get our own way and dealing with it. And often as we get older we find that the sister becomes a really good and loyal friend.
Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net