Many people feel apprehensive when faced with the prospect of meeting a group of people, especially if they are largely unknown to them. It can be an intimidating prospect. Sometimes work situations require attendance at conferences or network meetings. Being expected to go and speak to people, introduce oneself and appear bright, confident and professional has been known to give people sleepless nights for several days beforehand. Similarly, large family gatherings like weddings, Christmas and anniversaries can be an unnerving prospect especially to new members of the family.
Here are some tips that can help on these occasions:
- Be aware of how you talk to yourself. Many people fuel their anxiety and nervous state by telling themselves that other people are better, more attractive, more skilled that they are. It’s no wonder that they find themselves overawed by the situation. Start to tell yourself that you are a valuable human being with lots to offer. Remind yourself of your successes, your skills, the kind things you’ve done in life. Maybe take time to write them down so that you have something to refer back to at times when you feel a little uncertain.
- Consider counselling and hypnotherapy. These are a valuable way of dealing with unwanted patterns of negative behaviour and improving your confidence and self belief. Use counselling and hypnotherapy as a way to let go of a destructive or counter-productive mindset and become more focussed on how you want to be. As a consequence, you can turn your life around and achieve your important goals, develop valuable relationships and feel better about meeting people whoever and wherever they may be. Other people may be important in their own sphere of influence but you have something valuable to contribute too.
- Invest in conversation ice-breakers. Keep up to date with the news and current affairs. Be aware of popular television programmes. Have some general, easy questions ready in mind; for example, plans for the weekend or interesting holiday destinations. Often other people feel equally apprehensive at large events and are relieved at the opportunity to start a pleasant conversation with someone who appears confident and friendly. This way you establish yourself in their mind as positive, friendly and sure of yourself.
- Pick friendly people to talk to. Rather than just stop at the first group of people, look around and find the most receptive faces, the open groups that are happy to welcome newcomers to join them. If people are stood in a tight huddle then they are clearly pre-occupied and engrossed in their conversation. Choose the groups where people are more open, there is potential for you to join them, they are smiling and interested in speaking to other people.
- Spend time before the event in ensuring that you feel good about yourself. Allow time to freshen up, to become calm, smart and presentable. Pack something clean to change into if necessary. Have a wash, a shave, freshen your makeup. Perhaps even consider something eye-catching to wear so that you stand out from the crowd, like a distinctive tie or an unusual piece of jewellery. If there is time, park the car and listen to music, compose your thoughts, mentally rehearse your desired outcome from the event. All these steps support you having a serene, pleasant demeanour which will carry you through the event.
With practice these steps will become more natural and automatic. As you become increasingly used to meeting people you’ll find these situations become more comfortable and your confidence blossoms. After all everyone in your existing circle was a stranger at one time. Crowds are simply a collection of individual people like yourself.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
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