I often talk about an older colleague I once knew who was invited to join the young lads from the office for a game of football. They raced up and down the pitch,whilst he simply looked from side to side, moved in, took possession of the ball and scored a goal, over and over again. His experience was far more valuable than their ill-directed energy and enthusiasm. When you combine the two ingredients of older experience and younger energy and enthusiasm then you have a dynamic recipe for success.

Getting older can be just like a good wine. As it matures it mellows and becomes smooth and very palatable. We, as we get older have the life skills and more philosophical approach not yet achieved by a younger person. We can weigh things up without the need to panic, knowing that things frequently turn out okay in the end. We have been there and done it all before.

We can take a training course and choose not to take the exams unless we want to. We can do things for their own sake, out of interest. There will often not be the same  issues about childcare, career progression, mortgages. Or the same anxieties about how we look, what size we are, how much we weigh.

One of the important things to appreciate as we get older is that we do not have to race around, trying to cram as much as possible into each busy day. Often older people have the luxury of time. Time that can be spent tending the garden or visiting an art gallery or a stately home. It can also be spent doing the things that we wanted to do when we were  too busy with young children, career, heavy bills to pay. Appreciate the opportunities that this situation brings. They are a gift to be enjoyed and relished.  So why not book that trip to Nepal, or take up wind surfing or long distance cycling.

Many groups have been set up to support older people and the many various interests and opportunities that they wish to pursue. Maintaining fitness is an important area to invest in and many groups provide timetables for single people and couples to go walking,  join classes or pursue more energetic activities like hill walking, hiking and assorted water sports. Then there are many different discussion, educational and hobby groups. Making the effort to join in with what is available can bring valuable rewards – friends, interests, exercise, motivation.

The truth is, as we get older we can look at the important things in life and appreciate them. We have the maturity and confidence to see beyond a person’s appearance, clothes, status and appreciate their spiritual depth or their life experiences, and value them. We may hear a person’s story and be more empathic about it, being able to relate to what is being said. We can give sound advice and counsel based on our own personal experiences. We can share our wisdom and provide support and guidance to others.

This wisdom and confidence can be directed to support young people through advice or mentoring and help them to enhance their skills and achieve their goals. When that happens both ends of the life experience spectrum can combine to make the most of their particular qualities and strengths.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist                                                    www.lifestyletherapy.net

- Family values include many desirable qualities. Respect for each other, whatever age, skill, ability a person has, they all deserve to be respected and treated with consideration. A family often includes a mixture of people with different needs, tastes, requirements, all having to learn to co-exist as harmoniously as possible. Negotiation and compromise are key elements learned first hand from living in a family environment. Consideration for old and young people, taking the time with people to listen to them and have a conversation, sometimes having to tolerate each others eccentrities, putting our own needs on hold on occasion, are all valuable lessons that are learned as an automatic part of being in a family.

- Being able to give and receive love is an important quality. Being comfortable demonstrating love and affection, feeling safe and secure in ones ability to trust ones emotions enough to be vulnerable and know that it is okay. And being confident enough to receive love, feeling worthy and staying  receptive and open to it. Knowing that sometimes love is hard to give when a person is behaving badly towards us, but also learning that we can love someone even when we do not like their behaviour.

- Communication skills. Being able to talk about ones feelings and discuss them in a calm and  open way. Or sometimes experiencing the fighting, anger  and shouting of sibling rivalry and working through it. Learning that the things said at those times do not have to be permanently damaging and can be recovered from.  Being able to listen to another person without taking things personally or becoming defensive and shutting down.

- A sense of worth. Feeling valued, unique and special and also appreciating others qualities and uniqueness too. Understanding that we should be accepted for what and who we are, just as we are able to value and respect others too.

- The ability to create a safe and secure home, a place of refuge, calm and comfort. Valuing our own space and respecting it and ourselves enough to invest it with our possessions and personality.  Home making is often about the little personal touches that make all the difference and turn a house into a home. Having the confidence in ones own taste and style to create a comfortable home is a positive skill learned from our own family experiences.

Our early family experiences provide us with the core values and inner sense of worth that can stay with us our entire life. Providing children with a good, sound and secure start in life gives them confidence and the self belief to be comfortable with themselves, form positive relationships with others and be true to themselves in their adult lives.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist                                                         www.lifestyletherapy.net

- Favouritism. When one child is a golden child any siblings may feel unimportant and irrelevant. Nothing that they do will ever compare to the favourite child. Other  siblings can become demotivated living in that kind of environment. They feel invisible or inferior. Children need attention and encouragement and when they are lacking they may well rebel and behave badly. They may feel that whatever they do makes no difference or that any attention is better than none. Or they may retreat into inertia and apathy, as there is no point in trying when no one seems to care.

- Excessive Strictness. Children appreciate fairness. They recognise if they behave badly and will usually respect fair punishment. If a parent is excessively harsh or cruel that will be deemed unfair and the child may well become bitter, angry or resentful as a result. These children can sometimes become bullies. They pass on the lack of control and unfairness of their own situations and try to dominate others to compensate for the frustration of their own domestic situation.

- Excessive Leniency. All children need boundaries. They make them feel safe, loved, cared for. Children are supposed to rebel, it is part of growing up and discovering their identity, but at the same time they value a framework of rules and order. So long as they are fair and consistent children will often appreciate them. Too much freedom and children may feel that their parents do not care, are too busy or are indifferent to what they are doing. Children will sometimes misbehave to see if they get a reaction from their parents. Any attention is better than none.

- Revealing too much. Children are often aware of the limits of what they want to know about grown ups. They want to know that things are safe and secure, that their world is protected. But they do not want to know too much personal information about their parents’ lives. They do not want to be encouraged to take sides, pass opinions or listen to detail about arguements and disagreements.  They do not want or need to know specifics about financial concerns. Children often worry a lot if they fear that things are going badly at home and often feel in some way responsible for the problems. It is unnecessary  to include them in too much detail.

Raising children is often a minefield. What is good for one child may not work so well with another child. Having time with each child individually, getting to know them as people in their own right as well as sharing in a joint family arena is a positive way of building good relationships with open channels of communication with the children. It is a good way of allowing them to blossom as individuals as well as members of a strong family unit.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist          www.lifestyletherapy.net

Existing customers may well be modifying or adapting their own businesses. You may need to become flexible to accommodate their changes in strategy. Review what your core business is, the main reason why people use your company to provide for them. Explore how viable it would be for you to extend your goods and services if you can see a niche that might be feasible to expand into.

Look at your marketing initiatives.  Does your company literature reflect where you are and what you are trying to say?  It is important to sometimes pretend to be your own customer. What impression would you form from your literature. Does it inspire confidence ?

There are many free options or inexpensive ways of getting your brand into the market place. Many online networking sites are free. Look at online groups that could provide valuable connections. Some networking meetings are inexpensive to attend. But they do require time and effort to be invested as they require an ongoing commitment to build good working relationships.

Invest in your business. It can seem like a good idea to prune overheads, but some overheads are essential to keep your business looking successful and viable. People want to trade with a busy, successful company. Would you choose to eat in a restaurant if only a few tables were laid and the lighting was turned off ?  The same with any business. It has to inspire the confidence in its customers  to want to trade with them.

Cheap and cheerful may work in some sectors, but if you want to attract a more professional customer base then that professionalism is the image you need to reflect, both to your potential customers and to your staff. Staff are a crucial part of a companys’  survival. They demonstrate in their demeanour how a company is performing. By staying strong and focussed you generate that confidence and commitment in your staff.

It may be useful to have an area in your business that appeals to specific market sectors, but it is important not to try to accommodate every potential customer option. Diluting your efforts into many areas can dilute your brand. The companies that adjust and adapt their main brand are the ones that survive.           

Work with your customers. Ask them what you can do to help them, are there any areas that you could improve, any products that might benefit them. Encourage their feedback.

Consider using a business adviser. Sometimes being too close to your business can make you precious about certain aspects of it or blind to some areas that are not working too well. A business adviser will look at your overall business plan, check your processes to see how they are working and help you define your future goals. They will often set systems in place to achieve those results and train your staff to work with that vision too, ensuring that the strategy brings a positive outcome.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist                                                             www.lifestyletherapy.net

I remember hearing a story about a woman who had a beautiful lounge with a luxurious white carpet throughout. She kept this room pristine, it was her pride and joy. Unfortunately every so often her young children had the habit of running through the room to take a short cut through the house. Their muddy feet would leave a dirty trail across the room. She would be distressed, shouting and upset at their behaviour and their thoughtlessness. I suggested that she should go forward in her mind to a time when her room was beautiful, the carpet perfect, the house tidy. What could she hear ? Nothing. Silence. Who was there in the house with her ? No one. They had left and gone away to college or set up their own homes elsewhere. From then on she started to appreciate that her children’s bad habits were worth it. They were endearing, comforting and tolerable and the occasional messy carpet meant that the house was full of laughter, children and life.

So what do bad habits give us ?
- Humanise. When we are first with someone they may appear to be perfect. We may feel fortunate or privileged to be with someone so special. Indeed, some people can remain in awe of their partner for a long time, but then as they gradually start to notice some imperfections and bad habits they start to realise that their partner is a little flawed. This awareness can allow a person to feel relief as it humanises their relationship. Seeing someone else as a little imperfect and human can allow us to relax and not feel the need to be on our guard, stressed and trying to be perfect all the time. It can allow us to be ourselves.

- Tolerance. Accommodating others habits, idiosyncrasies and behaviours is an important part of co-existence. It is necessary to be tolerant. After all, we expect others to put up with our little ways. We may not think that our habits are so bad, we may not even appreciate that we have any, but they may well drive someone else crazy.And if one person discovers that they do have irritating mannerisms and ways that they expect others to tolerate then they realise that they have to be a little more restrained in picking on others and their bad habits. It makes for a more patient and accepting way of living.

- Reassurance. Snoring especially can cause a lot of tension in a relationship. Sometimes people can improve their snoring, by losing a little weight, drinking less alcohol, but for some people it is a fact of life. When this problem is alluded to in a Counselling session I suggest that they do a ‘reframe’ on it. This means, try to think of the snoring in a more positive way. Consider a time when your snoring partner is not in your life due to some unfortunate circumstances. How much would you give to have that reassuring noise and disturbance back in your life. This exercise can turn an annoying habit into a source of reassurance, comfort and security.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net

Think of the high jumper. The only time a high jumper knows that he has achieved his maximum potential is when he repeatedly tries and fails to clear the bar. If he clears it, he will raise the bar and set himself the next goal to work towards because he will determine to achieve even more.

Many of us admit that our difficult clients, projects, relationships are the ones that we learn the most from. They challenge us and we have to work hard and tap into all our inner resources to achieve a good result. They are the lessons that we remember, the ones that we gain the most satisfaction from.

Failure reminds us not to get too cocky or self satisfied. It teaches us to be a little more modest about our accomplishments. It reminds us of the importance of continuing to be open and receptive to new lessons, skills and techniques. New innovations and methods are regularly being introduced and updated, and being prepared to listen and learn helps us to improve and make our life more interesting and challenging. It enables us to provide our clients and customers with better levels of care and attention.

When we have had to work hard to succeed we appreciate it more. We appreciate what it means to us and how hard we have had to work to achieve it. We are able to respect others for their hard won triumphs too. We can respect what they have achieved and our levels of understanding and empathy are improved.

However hard we work there is no guarantee that we will succeed. Some people train, study, work really hard and still fail. They put their heart into their work and are devastated if they do not achieve the result that they have committed so much effort to. But even without the desired outcome it has still been an interesting lesson and experience. They have stretched themselves intellectually and moved out of their familiar comfort zone. The effort to achieve has in itself been an important step to take.

Levels of achievement provide a benchmark for success. Some professional associations will only pass a certain number of candidates each year, so that if the standard is really high some excellent people may fail to pass, or another year, if the standard is somewhat lower, less accomplished candidates may get in. In these situations failure to accomplish a goal is not simply about each individual candidate and their ability. It is also about the ability of others and how many have achieved a particular standard of competancy.

Without the chance of failure the result of success would not taste so sweet. When we achieve our desired goals they really mean something because we have invested so much of ourselves into attaining that result. The possibility of failure keeps a check on our vanity, but should not stop us from trying. It is an important part of extending our skills into new areas of excellence.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net

An important part of many people’s lives is their family. These are the people who know everything about us and accept us anyway. Many families will have had their stressful times. Money worries, divorces, health concerns can test a family to the limits, but often the result is that when they come together again, through the difficulties, the bonds become stonger as a result. They know more about each other, and still continue to love, accept and support each other. Family loyalty is a powerful connection.

And often family are the very people who motivate us to carry on through difficult times, sometimes without the need to say a word. The thought of their support, the desire not to disappoint them or let them down, the thought of how much they have done for us over the years, the sacrifices they have made, can be enough to give us that extra surge of energy, desire and enthusiasm to carry on.

The festival of Thanksgiving is a special time of sharing and appreciation of the family. More Americans travel home for Thanksgiving than for any other festival, including Christmas. It is a quiet indicator of how important family ties are regarded, more important than receiving presents or throwing opulent parties. Many people travel miles simply to share this special meal with their family.

The relevance of stopping for a time to celebrate the bond and connection that you have together is important. However long there may be it is important to acknowledge the different generations as they gather together. Reminiscencing about past experiences, telling anecdotes, sharing news. Remembering not to take family for granted. It is important to demonstrate that these important people matter. Taking the time out of ones regular day-to-day life, knowing that ones whole family is travelling to the family home to share a meal together. Committing to be with parents, siblings, children, communicates with actions that these people are important and are worth the effort involved in making the journey.

Roots, heritage and traditions are often at the heart of many families. Whatever else is going on in people’s lives the rest of the year, there is a constant theme and connection of family values, attitudes, outlook which are reinforced with the time spent together sharing meals, celebrations, being reunited. Taking time to stop everything else and say ‘thank you’ with actions says it all.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
www.lifestyletherapy.net